As an opinion columnist and informed citizen of the world, I am often called to wrestle with many dense, complex, multifaceted issues. It occasionally becomes difficult to proffer one’s full support to one side of any given issue after sifting through propaganda to get to the facts. But every now and then an issue comes along whose sides are so clearly polarized that it becomes imperative to declare one’s stance. This is one of those times.

As such, let it be known: I am emphatically pro “cats on crack.”

To recap, OSU’s College of Veterinary Medicine’s study “Psychostimulants and the Lentiviral Infection of the Neural Cell” continues in the absence of its founder, Michael Podell, to observe the effects of methamphetamine use on the neural replication of the Feline Immunodeficiency Virus, an analog to HIV. It is hoped that these experiments will provide insight into the very nature of the way the virus replicates in the brain, which in itself is not fully understood.

To study feline immune systems and methamphetamines, one needs cats and meth. The controversy lies in the deadly combination of the two. Under the new direction of Dr. Lawrence Mathes, the project is now using tissue cultures instead of live animals – so I guess I’m not so much pro “cats on crack” as I am pro “intelligent AIDS research.”

Animal rights groups, on the other hand, say switching to tissue research is not enough. The study’s most vocal and visible objectors, the Columbus-based, histrionically-named organization Protect Our Earth’s Treasures still insists kitty suffering will somehow continue under the project. In the POET flier “Tragedy as Farce,” the organization claims the solution to the synthetic effects of AIDS and drugs is simple: HIV-infected people should simply stop using “crank” – an antiquated term favored by POET, calling to mind mulletheads and movies starring Corey Haim.

There is a problem with this line of logic that is all too common in health policy and research. More often than not, when deciding who gets money to study what, an abstinence model wins out over a more pragmatic harm reduction model.

Blame it on Puritanism, but research directors are usually inclined to look over the messy realities of sex and drugs and rely on the belief that bad things happen to people who do bad stuff. As such, the College of Veterinary Medicine should be commended for initiating research that pushes the envelope and examines the effects of drug use head on, without judgment.

The fact is that illegal drugs are intricately intertwined in the lives of two populations most severely affected with AIDS: individuals who have sex for drugs or money, and men who have sex with men.

It is a reality that ecstasy (also a methamphetamine) and crystal meth have become staples of the gay party circuit. It is a reality that the poorest addicts will practice the trade of sex for illegal drugs and will have the least access to health care. If it were effective to say simply, “If you’re HIV positive, stop using E and don’t be a hooker anymore,” I’m sure someone would have thought of that.

According to conservative estimates, more than 20,000 cats are euthanized in Franklin County every year. In comparison, 140 noble kittens were slated to get the ax for the experiment in conditions much less cruel than, say, the use of horses in the making of Premarin, which your mom probably takes to cool off her hot flashes. The question is one of balance and scope; far crueler studies are conducted with much lower aims on a daily basis.

Though the allure of getting to be Brad Pitt in both “12 Monkeys” and “Fight Club” is fun, local animal rights groups need to re-examine their classism and basic view of how the real world works.

Bryan Dale Miller is a junior in social work and can be reached for comment at [email protected].