Dear Ashley,
Ever since I read about two young women who defended themselves from attack by using their headscarves -one incident was in Iran, the other in Pennsylvania – I started wearing headscarves a lot. I like the way they look, and I think of it as a tribute to women’s power and ingenuity.
The problem is my boyfriend. He doesn’t want me wearing them at all. I think he’s coming from the belief that it’s a man’s role to defend women and he’s threatened by any account of a woman fighting her battles herself.
It’s my opinion that he has no business telling me what I should or shouldn’t wear on my head. I don’t tell him how to dress, although I have given strong suggestions. What do you think?
Scarf Warrior
Dear Scarf Warrior,
Terry Moore would have a lot to say about this. Let me explain.
Terry Moore of Women’s Studies 317: Women in Film fame is a favorite in Ohio State Women’s Studies circles. She is known for deconstructing gender roles and pointing out more phallic symbols in Joan Crawford movies than you ever knew existed. I had the good fortune of taking her class three years ago and so did my roommate. Ever since, she has been referenced constantly.
Some examples: After seeing the Axe cologne commercial, we said, “Terry Moore would have something to say about this!” Howard Stern? “Terry Moore would have a field day!” The movie “Shallow Hal?” “Don’t even get Terry Moore started on that one,” we agreed, as we walked out of the theater.
SW, the actual etiquette part of your question is easy. No, no one has the right to tell you what to wear. Polite people do not make unsolicited comments about other peoples’ appearances, unless it is universally considered to be something one would want to know about, like misplaced buttons or unzipped zippers or food.
This means haircuts, styles of dress, choice of shoes, weight and facial expressions are all off limits.
On another note, if I may turn my etiquette advice into more of a relationship tone for just a second, why are you with someone that is threatened by something you wear on your head?
There is a difference between someone who is chivalrous and someone who is controlling. If I were your boyfriend, I would feel lucky to have found such a creative, caring and empathetic woman who internalizes news stories and translates that passion into accessories.
You sound like a gem! I can’t speak for Terry Moore, but I think she might agree.
Dear Ashley,
My friends and I go out all the time, maybe even four or five times a week, and we have been doing this for about two years. Last month, one of the girls in our group lost her job and she has no extra money to go out. She usually acts depressed when we are getting ready to leave, until someone inevitably offers to buy her a drink, and then someone else says that they will too, and she ends up coming with us.
The “drink” that someone offers her turns into three and she drinks just as much as she did before she lost her job, on our tab! How can I not be tricked into paying for her drinking habit? Sick Of Being Sugar Mama.
Dear SOBSA,
Who exactly is holding a gun to your head?
Apart from apparently having manipulative alcoholics for best friends, your only problem is that you can’t say no! Don’t offer to buy her a drink unless you are prepared to and don’t suggest that she come to the bar in the first place.
If you are interested in her not only as a drinking buddy but as a real friend, you will look for cheaper activities to do together. You could also, if you are not willing to give up the booze, throw her a forty and drink at home. They are two and a half dollars.
Ashley Hoffman is a senior in English and can be reached for questions and comments at [email protected].
