Dear Ashley,
One of my best friends got engaged a while back and is getting married next month. One thing he is very excited about is his bachelor party, which he appointed myself and another friend to organize. The groom and my other friend have their minds set on having strippers and lots of alcohol. For many this isn’t a problem. But since I myself am a committed man with a girlfriend of four years, a dilemma began to arise.
Upon first mention of the strippers to my girlfriend she became extremely mad. But my friend – who I have known since childhood – is constantly pressuring me and saying he will be really let down if I don’t come to the last party of his single life.
So my question is, how can I both respect my girlfriend and not let down my best friend?
-Stuck Between A Rock and a Hard Space
Dear BTW,
Traditionally, the bachelor party is thrown by the best man and reflects the tastes and discriminations of the groom, rowdy or not. Marriage is an institution, and the ceremonies that accompany it are brimming with heritage, lore and the symbolism of camaraderie. Is “Dating For Four Years” an institution? No.
As the appointed organizer of the bachelor party, you should style it according to the groom’s wishes, not your girlfriend’s. She isn’t the one getting married. Because the groom is a close childhood friend, it would be rude of you not to attend his party, especially since you are throwing it. Explain this to your girlfriend.
On the other hand, your girlfriend is understandably worried.
Everyone knows that strippers’ agendas include stealing boyfriends, in addition to earning a living. They’re looking for love, not money. Just be careful, BTW, and don’t fall prey to their advances. Good luck!
Dear Ashley,
My friend is a theater major and for the last three years she has been trying to get me to attend the productions she is involved with. Although she is a close friend, I couldn’t possibly have less interest in going, and the productions often fall on weekend nights when I would rather be doing almost anything else. When I don’t go, she acts hurt and dejected, and is very short and abrupt with me for the next few days. What do I do?
Thanks,
Theatrically Challenged
Dear TC,
If she has been in school for three years, you probably don’t have many more functions to get out of. However, your friend is breaching some etiquette of her own by assuming that her time is more valuable than yours. Acting dejected when there is not a great reason is very déclassé. Manipulation and dramatics are never polite, and taking a hint is.
Good Luck!
Ashley Hoffman is a senior in English and can be reached for etiquette questions for her final column as well as for comment at [email protected].
