Congratulations on your efforts of gleaning the truth from last week’s field of lies and deceit. You quickly waded through the watered-down tales of Brown Hall and The James, proudly spouting to your friends that Maudene actually was the fattest homecoming queen Ohio State has ever had. Many honors students soured their faces at the unschooled writings. This week will raise the bar once more to test your wisdom and wits. Misdirection is everywhere – are you sure you have what it takes to see which is fitting and which is phony?
“Image is Everything” – Ohio State fans have a devout love for playing in the postseason, especially when roses are on the line – the Rose Bowl – where some of our greatest games are forever written in the annals of history. Legend has it, however, that one game was once awash in controversy. Long ago a council of faculty members actually turned down the invitation to play in the Rose Bowl to show the nation our re-focus on academics instead of football. Witnesses claim students protested by burning effigies of these modern-day Benedict Arnolds on the Oval, sneering at the scurvy scholars. The Columbus Dispatch actually printed a list of these turncoats voting against the “Pilgrimage to Pasadena,” along with their addresses and salaries. The instructors were heckled, mocked and scoffed at for days. After the game was played, the demonstrations stopped and life mysteriously returned to normal once again.
“Crisscross Claims” – Ye olde university has a long track record in the promotion of diversity, understanding and tolerance. With numerous minority scholarships, inner-city youth education programs and foreign student recruitment, OSU has “raised the bar” for all Big Ten schools. Legend has it that OSU once had to quickly destroy and cover up evidence that would have lead to a racial controversy. In an interview with Michael Roundhouse, overseer of OSU building contracts in the 1960s, he said the sidewalks that crisscross the Oval formed a racist symbol when viewed from above. Aerial views showed what looked to be a Celtic Cross, also known as Odin’s cross. This blatant Neo-Nazi mark was a potential black eye for the university, ready to soil its unblemished reputation. Construction crews were quickly ordered to destroy key sidewalks and laid new slabs to alter the “lyncher’s logo.” With the evidence swept under the rug, the university’s reputation remained unscathed.
“Frat House Fire” – Ohio State has a treasured greek system that has contributed greatly to the campus and the community. One of the residuals of a greek life experience is overcoming amazing adversity. A shining example of this exemplary behavior was with the brothers of the Phi Kappa Tau. Legend has it that these crazed individuals let booze get the best of them, and in the summer of ’94 the fraternity nationals kicked out 50 members for failure to pay their bills and for earning poor grades. With no money coming in and facing the stark reality of bankruptcy, the remaining brothers had to act fast. Tragically, their house later burned to the ground, leaving them looking for a silver lining in the black cloud hovering over their heads. The lining happened to be in the only bill they did pay – the house insurance. Today, the brothers live in an upscale pad, the crown jewel of 15th Avenue, with an insurgence of pledges that cannot be turned away even with the most creative “indoctrination ceremonies.”
Josh Coyle is a veteran undergraduate majoring in industrial design who casually writes for The Lantern every Thursday. Sass and back-talk are encouraged to be sent to [email protected].
