Apple's iPod

Dear Apple,

I just wanted to send you guys a quick note expressing my deepest gratitude for the invention (and continuous innovation) of your iPod, a true staple in my life. Four years ago this past Sunday, you released the first “generation” (even the name makes it sound like a member of my family) of the blessed iPod. Of course, I immediately doled out the four hundred bucks you asked for a service I had previously thought to be unavailable – a valid excuse not to talk to people. It was my first year of college in a big town, and during the first few months, I actually had to engage in conversations with real people – face to face and everything! Soon my iPod saved me all that trouble, as I never removed your earbuds (what a cute name!) from my usually sore ears. This was especially great when walking to class, when those signature luminescent strands of joy connecting my ears to my pocket warned people of my disinterest in conversation – dare they interrupt my fortieth listening of blink-182’s “Enema of the State.” Over the years, I grew more and more fond of your product, as you kept increasing the capacity to more songs than I even knew existed. Occasionally though, I would have to buy new music – which meant walking to Best Buy (with my headphones on, of course) and sometimes being bothered by sales people – more actual face-to-face conversation! As though you read my mind, the iTunes Music Store was opened in the summer of 2003, and I never had to talk to a pesky salesperson again (by the way, I strongly recommend a Grocery department of the iTunes Store, as I wouldn’t even have to leave my apartment). I didn’t even need the iPod shuffle, but because of my deep loyalty to Apple, I bought three (I kept losing them). Now everyone I know has some sort of iPod, and my social ineptitude is now totally acceptable and mainstream – nobody is talking to anyone anymore! However, a few weeks ago, you guys truly went above and beyond the call, solving another small glitch in my life. With the music iPod, you took away my conversation, but I still didn’t know what to do with my eyes without your solemn, masterful direction. Now, with the fifth-generation (oh, it just seems like yesterday…) iPod with video capability, not only do I not have to talk to people, I don’t even have to look at them! I watch my episodes of LOST wherever I go, and I don’t even mind the bruises I get from running into things – the joy I get from this complete lack of societal interaction is too great. So thank you, Apple, for changing my life for and allowing me to no longer bother with those pesky “friends” of generations past. And as soon as you guys introduce your iGirlfriend, you know I’ll be the first in line. See you next iPod generation!

Andy [email protected](If you guys print this, in the italics at the bottom, it might cool to mention I own a third generation iPod, which is true; i.e. “Andy Gallagher, a fourth year Materials Science and Engineering Student, owns a third generation iPod and can be reached at…”)