I’m Penelope, an Ohio State journalism student. You and I are going to have a weekly relationship this quarter. We’re going to have honest, intimate conversations and then I won’t write you again.

I’m not a virgin, but I can remember everyone’s name I’ve slept with. I will be writing about the sex and relationship observations of both myself and my close friends. Out of respect for everyone’s privacy, I’ve decided to keep my column anonymous.

My friend Megan grew up Catholic – Catholic school five days a week, and church every Sunday morning. Along with her Catholic traditions, she held Catholic beliefs. Megan believes pre-marital sex is a sin and she will go to hell if she ever has it.

Well, Megan has been dating a very non-Catholic guy, John, for a year now. That is, John hasn’t had sex in a year, but he won’t break up with Megan because he said it’s the best head he’s ever had in his life.

Is Megan still a Catholic because she hasn’t had sex? Or is she just as guilty as the rest of us – specifically, former President Bill Clinton?

Catholics can’t do a lot of things: eat meat on specific Fridays, listen to Marilyn Manson or vote Democrat, so pre-marital sex is just another item on the list. But when did God say it’s OK to give a blow job so long as that’s as far as you go?

Many people give sex different definitions, depending on what they grew up with and what they want to believe. When I had “the talk” with my mom, she explained it the way most movies do: “When a man and a woman love each other very much…” As I grew up, I learned there are many different meanings, depending on who you ask. Some of my friends described the intimate act:

“The man” – “The best two minutes of my life.”

“The woman” – “A way to show a man how devoted you are to them.”

“The player” – “Just another Friday night.”

“The Catholic” – “The ultimate sacrifice.”

So, who’s right?

Essentially everyone. Sex is an intimate thing and people put into it what they will. Most interesting though, all of my friends decided oral sex doesn’t count, probably out of convenience. In “Unhooked” by Laura Sessions, she states, “Oral sex isn’t even considered sex anymore.”

Who decided that? Sex is right there in the description – oral sex. I think because younger generations have gone through more sexual experimentation than older generations, they’re OK with pushing the line even further. I’m sure 20 years ago when my mom was my age, a blow job was a huge deal, but now it’s more focused on who hasn’t given or received a blow job. Another important point – oral sex doesn’t get women pregnant, only penetration does. (Unless you’re Catholic, then Immaculate Conception does, too.)

Of course religion dictates lifestyles, but when everyone has a different religion, lifestyles are also too different to set standards and regulations. Who gets the “get-out-of-hell-free” card?

Sticking strictly to scientific facts and definitions, sex is penetration. Regardless of a boy pulling out or wearing a condom, sex is when the penis enters the vagina – plain and simple. So, maybe oral sex is misrepresented. It’s not really sex, but titled that way, sort of like tofu meatloaf.

So essentially Bill Clinton is safe. He said, “I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman,” and looking at the definition of sex, I guess he really didn’t.

So maybe Megan is also safe. Maybe God is looking down on the world smiling as He’s getting oral pleasure guilt free, no strings attached.

I want to hear from you. Tell me about your sex adventures and mishaps. This week’s question: Where is the most creative place you’ve had sex?

E-mail answers to me at [email protected].