It’s an infection. It started out confined to us nerds, but started spreading through society. It’s something English professors and students have feared for decades.

I’m talking about a drastic upheaval of the English language.

Drastic changes to the language have happened many times before, but this is the only time I’ve been “privileged” to see it in my short life. Our language as we know it is being torn out from under our feet.

Maybe I’ll sound like an old person here, but Internet-speak (or LOL-speak, or TXT-speak, or whatever you want to call it) scares me. It has invaded the most rational minds I know and even mainstream media in ways that make me want to punch a wall.

My eminently wise copy chief at The Lantern, so quick to catch grammatical and spelling mistakes, nonetheless asks if she “can has stapler.” My roommates quote “inspirational posters” and can often be heard crying “Old Greeeeeeeg!” down the stairs. Even The Associated Press, a bastion of style and sanity, has run a story with the headline “Lolcat site hiring; spelling skillz optional,” with the lead “‘I can haz dream Job? My rezumez! let me showz u thm’.”

And the final straw that sparked this rant was a commercial I saw for one of those harmless pre-teen girls’ contests that asked girls to submit their favorite “OMG moment” without even a hint of irony.

When will the madness end? It’s beginning to look like the answer is never.

Those who have no idea what I’m talking about, be thankful for that rock you’ve been hiding under.

If this disease were just confined to us I wouldn’t really take issue with it. Counter cultures and sub groups have always had their own languages. Look at the potheads. I don’t understand their lingo at all, but it hasn’t taken root in our society.

When you see Internet-speak everywhere, it’s a bit scary. I like the rules of English. I came here as an English major. Call me OCD, but having structure and rules in something is comforting. And now it looks like all those rules are going to be thrown away just so people can text faster.

How this became a second language to so many baffles me. Can’t you just laugh in person, instead of saying “lol?” Can you maybe just beat someone instead of “pwning newbs” – or worse, “nubs?” Can no one see how years and years of beating our own grammar to death might destroy what we have?

I’m going to hold my AP Stylebook tightly to my chest, cross my fingers and hope this Internet-speak is just a passng fad.

Richard Poskozim can be reached at [email protected].