Fellatio, cunnilingus and dental dams; we all need to do our homework to be better informed sexual partners. For some institutions of higher learning, like a fellow Big Ten school, Purdue University, this comes via a weekly feature. The Purdue student newspaper, The Exponent, includes weekly suggestions with pictures and diagrams on how to enjoy the art and fun of sex. However, there is a point where keeping it edgy goes wrong.
Gross sexual imposition. That was the only thing on my mind when I saw “the sexual position of the week,” The Prestige, which prompted an apology from the newspaper’s staff. It could be renamed “the sexual assault” position No. 232. In this position, a man is having sex with a woman “doggy-style” and then leaves and allows another man to take over without her consent. Consent is the operative word — without consent, that is rape.
The casual nature of objectifying women sometimes is so subtle. This androcentric pulse of pleasure is a popular-culture reminder that pleasure is centered on the male, and it is kosher to exploit women.
Historically, women’s bodies have been property, hyper-sexualized, so it’s no surprise that the paper’s attempt to “help” students is overlooked. Some think it is hilarious. However, as many participate in that charade, they permit injustice on campuses across the nation. One in three women will be sexually assaulted on a college campus — every campus, including ours.
When I lived in Taylor Tower, I attended a party where I had to be awkward. What do I mean by that? I think to do the right thing means that sometimes you have to be awkward.
Erin was a sophomore girl from the residence hall, and we all rolled together to the party, even though we were not yet friends. I was making my rounds and talking to people and saw Erin was stuck in a corner with a dude.
He was being forceful and had his arms against the wall around her to prevent her from getting away. There were plenty of men and women passing them, and I waited for the guys hosting the party to do something. Nothing happened. I went over and got Erin out of the situation and had a heated verbal exchange with the dude. I had to be awkward to help her get out of a hostile situation.
Whenever Erin would see me around campus, she would always give me a hug and tell others how I confronted the dude and stood in the gap for her. I was shocked because I felt I had done what anyone would do. I took a risk and received several years of gratitude.
I did something awkward (with some swag) because it involved helping someone escape a possible sexual assault. It is the least we can do for one another — awkwardness passes, memories of assault do not fade as quickly.
We are all at fault when a woman is sexually assaulted. Eighty-four percent of the time, sexual assault happens with someone the woman knows. Because we laugh at a picture, we ignore the girl silently screaming at a party, down the hall or on the street. We joke with our male friends about sexual conquests, making sex about competition over relationships.
Silence becomes our consent of the status quo. The assumption that no one will speak up is why slavery, holocausts and genocides happen.
Marginalization all starts with a joke about the “othered,” and then a joke becomes a stereotype, a stereotype becomes a norm and that becomes the justification to oppress a group. Women in the U.S. pushed for more than a century to gain the right to vote. The stereotypes of the time were that women weren’t smart enough and had no political interest. That seems idiotic today.
I am looking for the day when the sexual position of the day is centered on women’s pleasure and at the same time does not marginalize men. Until that day, I am looking for all of us to be awkward in someone else’s defense and to recognize The Prestige, and ideas like it, for the frightening reality they suggest.
