Dear Harlan,
I pick losers time and time again or do they pick me?
Hmmm, my latest relationship ended last Friday. I lived with this fellow for 10 months only to find out he was stealing from me and pawning the items. I wasn’t even going to charge him until the police talked me into it. He hardly worked the entire time we were together; I mostly supported him. The worst part, I’m totally heartbroken and have been trying to track him down at his sisters!
I lay in bed at night crying my eyes out and hugging his t-shirt, which still has his scent on it. I know my actions are crazy and yet I can’t seem to help myself. The boyfriend before this was just as bad. He was a compulsive liar who wanted to control me. I finally had enough and kicked him out and he came to my house with a loaded gun (his friend phoned to warn me!). He was arrested in his car on the way to my house with the loaded weapon and was jailed for eight months. He is still stalking me and called me at work at least 20 times last night. What the hell is wrong with me?
The heartache I feel is unreal.
Bad Apple Chaser
Dear Chaser,
You want to be loved. That’s not so terrible. Now, put down his t-shirt!
Now is the time when you get professional help. You’re in a pattern and you can’t stop it. Maybe there is something from your childhood sabotaging you. Maybe, you don’t believe that you deserve any better. Maybe, you’re just meeting men in places where losers hang out. It’s not about who is picking who. It’s that you choose to get involved.
Until you genuinely love yourself, you’ll keep clinging to big creeps. So, stop the pattern. Get some help, enjoy time with you, and surround yourself with good friends and family. And find a new hobby other than dating creeps. Understand that until you know and believe that you deserve the best, you’ll keep settling for the worst. Do things differently and you will meet a different kind of man.
Attention Readers:
This February 9-15 marks a new chapter in rejection awareness. Help Me, Harlan’s First Annual Rejection Awareness Week.(RA.W.) 2003 has arrived. This new annual event highlights the risk that leads to romance, because behind every romance is a risk that had to be taken. And I’m asking you to share your risks and your stories.
Send in all the details of how you took the risk and met your Valentine. From random meetings at random places, to friends who wanted more and got it, to group projects turned into long-term love, to shady pick-up lines in shady bars, send in ALL the details of how you found love. And for those of you “single and searching,” take a risk at love over the next few weeks and send in your stories.
R.A.W. stories will appear in Help Me, Harlan! the week of Valentine’s Day. Send letters to [email protected]. Put, “R.A.W. 2003” in the subject line. You can check out more information regarding R.A.W. 2003 and listen to original rejection music at: www.helpmeharlan.com. Your R.A.W. support is appreciated. Finally, EVERYONE will have good reason to smile this Valentine’s Season.
Write Harlan via e-mail at [email protected] or online at www.helpmeharlan.com. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Suite 223, Chicago, IL. All letters submitted become property of the column. Copyright Help
Columnist Harlan Cohen will be appearing at the Ohio Union at 7:00 pm on Wednesday, Feb. 19.
