Dear Dad,

You’re a pretty funny guy. You might be a little sick in the head sometimes, but you’re definitely funny.

Since I decided to attend the University of Michigan midway through my senior year at Upper Arlington High School in Columbus, you’ve done everything in your power to make my life hell. You always reach into your bag of tricks before The Game to pull out a variety of practical jokes.

So when I picked up my phone Wednesday night from a caller that proclaimed he was responding to my advertisement in The Michigan Daily, the first thought that crossed my mind was, “What did you do now?”

Previously, your high jinx included the following: Putting an ad in The Lantern last year where I predicted Michigan would “crush Ohio State like clockwork,” lunch with Neutron Man and trashing my front yard – twice.

But this year you really outdid yourself.

First, you placed a personal ad in the Daily. My Daily readers can even see the ad themselves by turning to today’s classified section (you decided it was best to run the ad for three days).

But for Lantern readers, the ad goes a little something like this:

“An Ohio man, lost and looking for love, seeking a big blue male lover, please call me @ 614-562-2152 and ask for Little Lost Jimmy Weber.”

When I found the classified myself, my emotions were mixed. I found it hilarious you paid for the ad, but really creepy that someone actually responded to it.

Apparently this prank wasn’t enough. As those reading The Lantern might already know, you ran a contest for Ohio State fans to find the next big prank, with the winner receiving two tickets to last week’s Purdue game (by the way, congratulations to John Chess). I’m still not sure whether the aforementioned personal ad was the winning prank or not …

You even launched a Web site, screwblueandjimtoo.com. Then you sent me a T-shirt and sweatshirt with the Web site plastered on them, as if I would wear them around town.

Finally, you put flyers all over the Michigan Business School that said “I’m a closet Buckeye fan.” I’m sure you will be happy to know that – like the personal ad – this prank resulted in phone calls. Yes, voice mails of “Ohio State sucks!” and “You suck!” were waiting for me when I got out of class.

It really does amaze me how much energy you and everyone else in Columbus spends hating Michigan. You are just a step below those people with that picture of a kid flicking off the Michigan football team as a desktop, those who go on the message boards to swap Michigan jokes and those who call into the local radio station to state, “Anyone from Michigan should go straight to hell!” – all of which I have witnessed.

Michigan is the team you love to hate.

In your mind, there is nothing greater than beating the crap out of the Wolverines because they are the egotistical snobs from “up north.”

Fine. Who am I to tell you how pathetic that is? Like they say – don’t get angry, get even. But I guarantee this, you’ll wish you never came up to Ann Arbor this weekend.

Now that I think of it, that goes for all OSU fans.

Best wishes from Ann Arbor,

Jim

Jim Weber can be reached at [email protected] and encourages Bucknuts to e-mail him about tailgating in Ann Arbor before The Game.