As a typical Ohio State football fan, I can honestly say that this team stinks.

Junior quarterback Troy Smith stinks. Sophomore running back Antonio Pittman stinks. Coach Jim Tressel stinks. Senior place-kicker Josh Huston missed a 50-yard field goal against Texas. He obviously stinks. Whoever mows the grass in Ohio Stadium? He probably stinks, unless it’s a she, in which case she would stink. Everyone stinks.

I mean, how could this team score only 27 points against San Diego State? The Aztecs defense is so bad that OSU should have scored 70.

Of course, the reason OSU sucked Saturday was Troy Smith. Only 14-of-26 for 149 yards and an interception? Awful. Tressel needs to come to the realization that Smith, a horrible passer, is simply a running back playing quarterback – some sort of bastard spawn of Stanley Jackson and Steve Bellisari. He can’t read defenses and therefore will cost OSU at least three games the rest of the season.

But, you know what? His backup, junior quarterback Justin Zwick, shouldn’t start either. His fumble at the end of the game against Texas was inexcusable. He should stay on the bench as well. Let’s start redshirt freshman Todd Boeckman instead. I’ve heard he’s done well in practice.

The blame for the quarterback position has to go to Tressel though. The man has no idea how to run an offense. I draw up better plays when I’m playing “Madden 2006.” Tressel coaches his offense like it’s 1963. In fact, his offenses have been so bad that he should be fired – National Championship be damned.

If Tressel stays, he needs to hire a new offensive coordinator. The current coordinator, Jim Bollman, and Tressel have done nothing to develop a creative offense. The play-calling is also too obvious. If the Buckeyes get a good offensive coordinator, the team might score 55 points a game, so get rid of Bollman.

And then there’s sophomore receiver Ted Ginn Jr. Did you see the pass he dropped Saturday? Inexcusable. He’s done nothing all season except get covered. What a disappointment.

Don’t even get me started on senior tight end Ryan Hamby. I had such big hopes for him when he came to OSU and now he can’t even catch. His drop against Texas cost OSU the game and a chance at a national title. Believe me, even though I was in the press box Saturday, I was booing him when he dropped his first pass. That Bronx cheer after he caught his first ball later in the game was so awesome.

That’s about all I can find wrong with the team, but I’m not even close to being finished complaining. Can you believe OSU let ESPN have Nick Lachey and Desmond Howard sing “Hail to the Victors” in Ohio Stadium? “ESPiN” obviously still has it out for OSU. How did Kirk Herbstreit not stop that from happening? Probably because he’s a traitor who doesn’t pick OSU to win every game.

The media have also shown their anti-OSU bias by writing about all the Texas fans complaining about how badly they were treated in Columbus. They knew they were coming into enemy territory, so they should have expected it. Michigan fans are worse anyway. This one time, I went to Ann Arbor and nearly got into four fights because I wore a red shirt. Obviously, all Michigan fans are jerks, but not ours.

I’m glad I have that off my chest. I love OSU football, but I can barely stand watching this offense. It can’t pass. It can’t run. It is simply lost, and I’m not going to sit here quietly and watch it. And if you don’t agree with me, you can move to Ann Arbor.

Yes, this was sarcasm. Lantern sports editor Jeff Svoboda just can’t understand why everyone is so negative, because last time he checked, OSU won Saturday. The senior in journalism and political science can be reached for comment at [email protected].