Some get messages from rock bands like Korn. Others hear Elvis’ ghost speaking to them. Me, I got a visitation from pop culture icon Barbie.The queen of bubble-gum pink and owner of her own townhouse told me to get thin. She told me that her representative on the human plane is super model Kate moss and we should all strive to follow in her footsteps. Emphasize those hip bones! Accentuate that rib cage!You see, the fashion industry has a grand scheme for total gender equity. Not the equal pay for equal work type equity but the equal body mass type equity. The fashion industry is gently steering us toward an androgynous world. A world peopled by lean figures bearing no bulges what-so-ever‹body by Q-tip.If you don’t believe me grab a magazine or two. There’s even a little game you can play with your friends. It’s called “name that gender.”The rules are simple. Flip though a fashion and/or trendy magazine; the person who is able to correctly guess the gender of the most models wins a fat-free cookie.I recently bought an issue of Details magazine that featured countless slim, short-haired, pouty-lipped, sexless models. The best guess I could make on their gender was based on the little bits of text which described the clothes. “Man’s tailored suit” is usually a good clue. Unfortunately good clues don’t come often.Newsweek (a non-fashion magazine) recently ran a cover story on fat versus fitness. The cover picture featured a portion of a body that was definitely not following the androgyny trend. In its article Newsweek makes the assumption that weight loss, and body image are about health.What world do they live in? Who forces down tasteless fat-free, chemical packed substances for the sake of health? I’m healthy now but I can’t fit into size four Jeans. Barbie has spoken, and until I am silhouetted like a #2 pencil, I must diligently nibble my fat-free, taste-free rice cakes.Calvin Klein saw the future when he developed his perfume for either a man or a woman. He saw the possibilities of an androgynous race of people who carefully maintain their 12-year old figures. In this world the question “what’s your sign?” will be replaced by “what’s your gender?” My future dates will remind me of the quaint days before puberty.On second thought, what if this Barbie visitation is just a hallucination brought on by too much Nutrasweet? I didn’t like 12-year old boys when I was 12, why would I want to date one now? What if I become the model fashion consumer only to be mistaken for Peewee Herman? Quick someone get me a cheese-burger.
Heather Luce is a senior majoring in journalism who thinks anyone with only six percent body fat is part of a fashion industry conspiracy to take over the world.
