Grrr. Grunt. Grrr. Rar. Welcome to Jesse Owens South.
The animal antics are courtesy of the men. And they don’t stop there. Odd behaviors have accumulated in the gym lately, so I have devised a few pointers to keep in mind the next time the rowdy men decide to pump iron.
Contrary to popular belief, grunting at the free weights will not intimidate them and make them easier to lift. An occasional outburst of energy can only be expected in a place where both men and women lift and push around heavy loads, but the men, more particularly, have taken it a step further by shouting at the weights before completing a set.
I nearly broke my toes one day, after dropping a free weight on my foot in reaction to the startling grunts of a particular bodybuilder. To prepare for his daredevil stunt (lifting the weight without crushing his ribs), the man unleashed and began yelling…at the weights. Apparently, they can hear him and, even more amazing, will abide by his orders.
I grasped my throbbing foot, while the innocent bystanders scurried to other areas of the gym. He continued this charade for less than a minute, walking circles around the bench. After he had criticized the weights into depression, he laid down on the bench (with one final grunt, of course). He pushed with all his might, growling and yelling, but the bar didn’t budge. Not another peep came from his mouth for the duration of his workout.
When working out, remember you’re not trying to win a race. Pumping out more reps than the guy next to you will not earn you a cookie. Actually, performing the movements at a quicker pace decreases the benefit of your workout. Controlled, slow movement is vital for muscle growth, and, well, working the correct muscle. Spastic men with weights are quite easy to locate in the gym, so choosing just one example is difficult.
Recently, I watched a muscle maniac pulsing up and down on the machine for calf-raises. He loaded several plates on the machine and “went to town,” pumping out precisely 132 repetitions in 10 seconds flat (accompanied by the essential grunting noises). He wore a sleeveless shirt, and as he performed the exercises, I could oddly see all the muscles flexing in his upper body. His calf muscles didn’t flinch. I had to bite my tongue when I saw him flexing in the mirror, smiling in content at his make-believe calf muscles.
For the record, the gym is not a runway, fashion show or model contest of any sort.
Yes, we see you looking at yourself, basking in your godly muscularity. Most of the men have no shame, walking directly up to the mirror, flexing, and seductively winking at no one other than themselves.
Egos soar to new heights. Even more comical are the men who perform the procedure discreetly. Oh-so-nonchalantly, they reach behind their head or back to “scratch” or “stretch,” all the while flexing their muscles and nodding their heads in satisfaction. They do this with the quickest of movements in mere seconds, immediately turning around to search for any witnesses.
I agree that seeing results after a strenuous workout is rewarding, but shouldn’t this fall under the list of “Things To Do Behind Closed Doors?”
Then again, maybe I shouldn’t complain. At least they’re not grunting.
Mandy Zatynski, a freshman in journalism, can be reach for comment at [email protected].
