The politically correct reaction to the case of Mary Kay LeTourneau – the 35-year-old school teacher who had a baby with a 13-year-old boy – is that it was a travesty and amoral. However, let me be the first to say “Yahoo, boy. You are one of the luckiest young men in the world. You have, in fact, lived the dream of every adolescent boy.”The fact that a baby was produced is a problem, but the opportunity for a sex-starved, overly-horny boy to have sex with his hot, former teacher is a thrilling triumph for the young male. I recall being that age. Let me tell you – it was rough. From the age of 12, I felt like I was going to explode until I finally did at age 17.During those 5.3 years of hell, life was a daily torture. The girls were so young, firm and innocent. And the teachers, ummm, some of them were fine too. Frankly, I remember fantasizing constantly about the attractive ones. In fact, I found myself fantasizing about every girl my age, people’s mothers, many teachers, and basically everyone except my own mother.So this boy seems lucky. What a thrill to have sex with a beautiful and fit 35-year-old woman. And if it was wrong or perceived to be wrong by society, many are secretly simply laughing. Note the boy’s “I am not a victim comments” and his mother’s agreement. Besides, the public damning of the student/hot teacher relationship could only have made the sex that much better for both participants. It is interesting to note that if the table was turned – if a 35-year-old man was having sex with, impregnated, and claimed to be “in love” with, a 13-year-old girl – the male teacher would have been treated much more harshly. Admittedly, this would be morally wrong. Although a 13-year-old girl can be hot, having sex with one has way too many social and practical consequences.A 35-year-old man would be more widely condemned because men are – both mentally and geometrically – “predators.” Furthermore, a 13-year-old girl could get pregnant and that would be a huge disruption in her life. Plus, society would largely view her as slutty while the boy is somewhat of a hero. Her psyche could be crushed from the slut label. Many will say this column is unprofessional and perhaps, that I need help. Many men will publicly blast me and privately agree. However, this column contains what few will say or write. I guarantee that many men will admit this column’s notions of sexual perversion (positive connotation of perversion, ha ha) is widespread.Simply put, just about every man wishes he could have had sex with a beautiful, adult woman as a young teenager. In fact, just about every man wishes he could have sex with a beautiful, adult woman right now. Why? Men are horny pigs, and men should be tired of apologizing for it. Men did not make themselves this way. Men would like to be more like women; it would be easier. It would especially be nice to not be horny all the time or have a problem staying monogamous. That would make human life simple and cut out a lot of bull, but men didn’t put this chip in their brains that make them the way they are. God or nature or whatever did. Go ask a biology teacher about it. Talk amongst yourselves. But that’s the way it is.Anyway, here’s hoping to be reincarnated as a 13-year-old boy who gets friendly with – as Norm MacDonald put it on Saturday Night Live – “the greatest teacher ever.”
Todd Shockley is a senior from Gahanna, Ohio.
