Does anyone on campus know of or use the awkward turtle sign? I had never heard of it until recently, but apparently it is an actual physical hand gesture that some people use along with actually saying “awkward turtle” to provide immediate relief from an awkward situation. Whether or not you have used this gesture, you have undoubtedly experienced at least a few situations that were, well, awkward. I know I have. It seems like this plight of the younger crowd is almost unstoppable. It takes root in any situation, without notice or mercy, leaving you to flop violently around like a fish out of water, as you desperately search for a get-out-of-awkward-situation-free card.

With the availability of blogs, myspace and facebook, the Internet has become a huge gateway for people to communicate instantly. Unfortunately, this also hatches new awkward turtle babies for its users. For example, when you befriend someone, how personally do you have to know them? Can you friend someone immediately after meeting, or is there an unwritten waiting period so that you don’t look too eager/desperate/pathetic? What if they decline your request? You probably will see them in person again, and you both know that he or she doesn’t want to be your facebook friend yet, so do you not talk to them again, or wait it out and try to befriend them again? Where is the line that is drawn? Secondly, what do you do if you see someone over and over again, but you don’t actually know them or speak to them? For example, say you become a regular in X coffee shop, and buy your cup daily. You see the same people everyday, but you are too consumed by The Lantern and the coffee to make conversation. Sure, you make some small talk: “Hey, how ya doin?” “Great, thanks” etc., etc. But, the small talk never actually moves up to introductions.

Aren’t introductions supposed to happen before small-talk? So what do you do after you’ve been talking the same small talk for a couple weeks, but don’t know the people’s names even? Do you:

A) Finally spear the turtle’s ugly head and exchange introductions?

B) Go on each day with the same talk “How are you,” “Good,” “Thank you” with a big awkward grin on your face?

C) Completely ignore the people in the shop and kill small talk, take your coffee briskly to go?

D) Find a different coffee shop, and then move to a different one before the same situation happens there?

E) Relocate to a completely different town, pathetically surrendering to the turtle’s hold on your life?

Of course, I can’t leave without touching on the elevator. This is the epitome of the awkward turtle (AT) experience. The more people in the elevator, generally, the curve of the AT slope approaches zero. Err, what I mean is that, it’s more awkward with just you and a stranger. First, you press the button, the door opens, you peep in and make SURE that no one is in there. The coast is clear (phew) so you hop in. You pray that the car doesn’t stop but it does anyway. You start to dread your impending doom – a ball of sweat drips down your forehead as the elevator stops. You gasp, but miraculously no one is there. You immediately press the “door close” button, preventing anyone from coming in. Congrats, but what about next time when a stranger accompanies you? Do you smile and say hi, or start alternating your gaze between the floor, ceiling and floor buttons? Or do you whip out your agenda and check your non-existent appointments with VIPs?

Whether or not you go through these common awkward moments once in a while or every time you have human contact, it is useful to acknowledge these moments. You don’t have to use the awkward turtle sign or say “awkward silence,” but just acknowledge these occurrences to yourself. After all, they say the first step to recovery is to admit to your problem. Admit to your problem my friend, overcome, and after everything have some nice, hot turtle soup.

Megan Disher is a freshman undecided student. She can be reached at [email protected].