Between cartoon T&A in the Neighbors and sleazy ads for Penthouse and the Columbus Eagle Bar, these days it’s hard to distinguish the Lantern from your friendly neighborhood porn mag.Thank god there’s something to counter Jessica Weeks’ whining about the evils of dirty-minded men. A little more openness about sex would serve everyone well, and you’d have to live in a cave to not notice it isn’t exclusive to these pages.Take The Columbus Dispatch, a paper slightly more conservative than the Bible. If raving heterosexual Chris Maher is outraged about the placement of trashy ads on our sports page, he should take a look at the Dispatch section.In addition to ads for nudie bars like Solid Gold and the Centerfold Lounge, there are ads for the VIP Spa, Four Seasons Spa, and Sheer Elegance Lingerie Modeling.Doing painstaking research, I phoned the VIP Spa to find out what services they offer. The friendly Asian lady who answered the phone promised “a sauna, massage and body shampoo” for $60 a half hour, $80 an hour.Sheer Elegance is even more intriguing. Calling the number on the ad, I reached an answering machine proclaiming a visit would “start your day or night off right” and questioned “what better way to buy lingerie than to see it modeled by our female staff?”Let’s not forget their classified ads. Between the help wanted and rentals sections is adult entertainment. Among the offered entertainment are dating services, telephone services, bachelor parties, and escorts/spas/etc.In the last section are ads touting women “young, hot, and oh so naughty” who ask “our place or yours?” If that isn’t subtle enough, then “we’re expensive but worth it” and “destiny does it all” might clue you in to just how all-encompassing “etc.” is.Not that our classified ads are sex-free. Has anyone else noticed the “bisexual male grad” who keeps placing ads seeking “freshmen and sophomore friends”?But that’s about as provocative as it gets, and he isn’t asking for money. Much of the rest of the controversy centers around an ad deemed oh-so outlandish because it shows male kissing. Sure, the Eagle Bar is probably one of your sleazier gay meat markets, but no more so than straight equivalents like Que Tal?After all, it’s just an ad. The people upset by these kind of things usually have issues they’d rather not deal with pop up when they see them. They then try to hide their curiosity by telling you to “ask your sisters just how gay” they are.It gets even sillier. A letter writer from last Friday took as many pot-shots at “Latrine” writers and columnists as she could before getting to the source of her distress, a full-page ad for Penthouse. A grad student, she apparently hasn’t learned the joys of research before spouting off in ignorance.The business office deals with advertisements, and the writers and editors have no part in that decision-making process. A know-nothing who took a few minutes to write four paragraphs, she felt she had the authority to insult constant work from a staff of 60-some students over a dirty magazine ad.Take your protests to the local gas stations. We aren’t selling the stuff. What we are selling, and your rage might be more understandable over, is the editorial content, including the comics. Jeff Yoakum’s legacy with the Neighbors is pissing off as many people as possible in four panels. Among his favorite targets are sorority girls, feminists, and blow-hard Lantern staffers like myself.It’s satire, folks. People with dulled senses of humor don’t get the Neighbors, and that’s the point. You’re the ones Yoakum is making fun of, and your letters just fuel his fire.Our current editor doesn’t seem to get this and has turned Yoakum into a poster boy for the First Amendment by yanking his strips. In the same way various letter writers are making martyrs out of Eagle Bar patrons and Penthouse readers.Lighten up the chastity belts everyone. Sex is a part of all our lives, and what better place to reflect that than your daily newspaper. If we were a little more honest with ourselves, the problems Weeks and her ilk obsess over might be quelled.
Nathan Crabbe is a junior from Akron who advises the extra $20 is worth getting a full hour. His talk show airs 7 PM Tuesday on the campus station.
